Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Imagining An Impossible Thing Before Breakfast

Ms. Alice, in Alice In Wonderland, said she thinks of seven impossible things before breakfast.  When I first read that, I felt a warmness in my heart.  Finally - someone that understands me.

I woke up this morning, and I thought, I gotta get out of my dumpy town.  It's been a long, long time since I've scrammed this place.  The last time I was on some Russian adventure, in which I was placed under house arrest and going on treasure hunts and albeit I found no tangible treasures, I brought back some real gems: my stories.

For breakfast, my mother cooked up some bacon, smoked in hickory wood earlier.  I told her no more meat, but the smell of the bacon truly made me submit to the temptations.  As a joke, I've always said that the best remedy to temptation is submission.  Just a joke though.  I don't recommend actually following that line of thought.

I felt guilty I ate meat.  So, I made a shake today, with fresh strawberries, half a banana, dried dates, a quarter lemon from my mother's yard, and raw Mexican honey.  It tasted like heaven.  The only thing missing was my green tea made with lemon and honey.  So, I had my impossible thought.  I had my breakfast.  Now, it was time to turn my thought into reality.

After breakfast, I called British Airways.  I have miles with them.  I asked my agent Calvin, "When's the nearest return ticket available on my points for Bangkok"

He said, "Sorry - sir, you don't have enough points."

"Well, where do I have enough points to go to?"

"Let's check Buenos Aires, Argentina."

"Nope.  Sorry, there's no availability and you don't have enough points."

"Well - let me be straight up with, Calvin."  I knew he was going to think I was weird.  "I need to get out of LA.  I've been here long enough.  Where can I go 'A'-'Sap?  Anywhere is ok!"  I'm sure he thought I was crazy, and if he thought so, he was right.

"How about the Carribean?"

"Sure.  Let's check Jamaica."

He put me on a hold for awhile.

"Mr. Cook, there's nothing in Jamaica."

"Well, what about Cancun then?"

"I already checked for you."  Damn, he's good I thought.  "But I have an idea for you."

"Alright, shoot, Calvin."

"Hey, it looks like Cabo San Lucas is open."

"That's in Mexico, right?"

"Sure is."

"I'll take it.  Get me on the flight."

He did.  I picked his brain about the BA booking system and how he knew that Cabo would work.  He told me his secrets.  I was happy.

I asked to be transferred to his supervisor.  Over the years, I've burned a number of incompetent or lazy workers.  Though the older I get, the more I realize that people can be incompetent.  They usually don't mean to.  And I really don't know that many people who are lazy.  They're usually angry or depressed people who think that not working is some kind of form of revenge.  Anyways, I needed to atone for my previous sins.

The supervisor picked up.  I said, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that your agent Calvin did a fantastic job.  He was very delightful, helpful, and efficient."

The supervisor thanked me.

I hung up, feeling smug.  I thought of an impossible thing this morning.  That was busting out of this joint.  30 minutes later, I made that happen.

I called my mom and said, "I booked my ticket to Mexico."

"Ok.  We'll talk about it when I get home."

"It's for this Saturday."

"Ok.  When I get home, ok?"

One of my other favorite scenes in Alice In Wonderland is when she asks the Cheshire cat for directions.  He asks her where she wants to go.  Alice replies, "I don't know."  That is when the Cheshire cat responds with one of the best lines in the book: “Well,” replied the cat, “if you don't know where you are going, it really doesn't matter which road you take.”

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