Thursday, April 7, 2011

Nintendo Boy v. the City of Los Angeles

I sued the Mayor Villagorosa, Chief of Police Beck, the Council, and the City of Los Angeles today. The journey began around 10am today. It was after showering, sleeping in, chit chatting with my roommate, and drinking beautiful coffee, a kona blend. I threw on this bright red Nintendo sweatshirt and left.

I took the metro red line subway into the City. While waiting, I read a part of the paper that was thrown in the trash yesterday. It was the New York Times on cuisine and food.

I read two fascinating articles. One was on the use of mango in savory and sweet cuisines. I had learned to make an authentic mango lassi and some Jamaican mango dish. The second, and more provoking article, was on baking ribs. Although its heretical to most traditionalist, there are certain recipes that only baking can cook right. One article was an Italian recipe on using milk and honey with ribs. When the milk evaporates, the lactic acid concentration increases. The acid starts to eat way at the protein bonds and makes for the softest meat apparently. Smoking ribs with this recipe would actually overpower the delicate flavors of milk and honey. Amazing, I thought. All the science was laid out too.

People were coming in and out of the subway. People from all cross sections of life. I saw a blind man. Mostly hispanics and blacks. The "rrrrr" noise of the engine could be heard. I felt the bumps and turns until my exit appeared: "Civic Square."

I went upstairs and saw the filtered daylight. Clouds were rolling in today on April 4th. I asked a Jewish guy, "Where's the Court?"

"Which Court" he replied gruffly with his New York accent.

"Civil, unlimited." He pointed to it. We both walked in that direction. I think he was a lawyer.

I walked past the security. Guards didn't even noticed I escaped their metal detectors and frisking. And why not, I hate that damn personal invasion against my liberty. Why should they know, I take anti-histamines for my allergies?

I entered into the filing window. Here it was: Civil Unlimited. (Unlimited meant unlimited damages.) The black woman at the counter was like a giant compared to me. She was 6' and overweight at perhaps 300-350 lbs. I smiled and said, "Hi, Ms. How are you today?"

"Good. Let me see your papers." You know she was thinking, Oh Great, a psycho pro-per, Nintendo-boy plaintiff suing the city. He's not even a lawyer.

"You have problems with your papers. Your complaint needs to be reformatted. " She went on to explain more details.

I felt a bit stressed. Where was I going to get this thing reprinted? I walked over to the public law library. I use a computer. I stick in my flash drive. Hey - my files arethere! I go over - reformat it.

I go back to the same African American clerk - only this time the guards do detect me and scan me. =( She says there's still some formatting issues. THE THINGS LAW SCHOOL doesn't teach you. I just handwrite it in. She said, "Good enough for me." She said do you have a second copy of your complaint? The complaint - which tells the City how naughty they are - is about 20 pages.

I said, "No."

She asked, "How are you going to serve the stamped complaint then to the defendants?"

I said, "Well, can you photocopy the first page with the stamp? Then I can print the rest out later."

She gave me a look that said, clever but makes me do more work. She did it anyways.

I then tried to connect with her. "Do you like ribs Miss?"

She smiled. "Not really. Too messy."

"You gotta like ribs. You're black."

She smiled again. "Nah, not ribs though."

I showed her my NY Times article and the recipes. She laughed.

I said, "You know, I'm suing this damn city for their red light cameras. They're $500 a ticket." I smile now, flashing my white teeth. I know, being small and smiling and being Asian some how really disarms and neutralizes people. It was working again.

She said, "No kidding?"

After copying my papers and charging me, she hands me my papers. I said, "Where do I get some food around here?"

She said, "Go to the farmer's market two blocks down."

"Hey thanks Miss I really appreciate all your help today."

I walk to the downtown farmer's market. I sampled so many ugly but delicious fruits. In the supermarkets, we have all these diva-fruits. One day, they should name an apple after Sarah Pailin. The Pailin variety. They look beautiful on the outside but no substance in the inside. I go around and look at all the exotic foodshops. Where's Korean, me thinks? No Korean! At the end, I settle for some salad. Eat it. It then hits me: YOU ARE SUING LOS ANGELES. YOU ARE CRAZY.

I find the flower man. I pick up two sets of flowers. One is for the secretary at my law school. She's always so nice and goes the extra mile for me. The other is for my professor sponsor.

I call my father. I said, "Dad, I'm suing Los Angeles." And he says, "For what? You already won that red light ticket?" "Well, Dad, I'm suing them to shut off their red light camera system." There's a few seconds of silence. Then he says, "YOU'RE DOING WHAT?!" This is the reason I kept him in the dark for so long. "You know you will lose. They have a team of lawyers. You're just one person."

In my Nintendo red sweatshirt, I acted not to hear him, "It'll be fine. Gotta go now."

Five minutes later he calls again. The thought materialized in how insane all this was. "Paul! Are you crazy? You know they have a whole legal department."

I said, "Dadz! Don't worry about it. I have a team too."

"Well, good luck. I wish you the best. You'll definitely be famous if you win."

I thought about the headlines - Nintendo-Boy against the City Attorney and Mayor.

I walk back into the subway. People were looking before at my Nintendo sweatshirt. Now, they're looking more because I'm carrying these huge flowers, especially the women. They think, who will Nintendo boy give these too. I take the subway back home. As I ride back, I realize, I'm just a student again.

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