The Car Crash Between The Funeral and the Wedding

"Hey - what do you think you're doing?"  I said.  Too late, I thought.  Too late, there's not enough time; it's going to happen.

The voice inside said, brace yourself.  The speed gauge is at 40 mph.  No way, he's going to avoid. this.  The shrieking screech.  The crashing sound against metal against metal.  The spin.  The airbags deploy.  My head doesn't hit it.  My body jerks from the reaction against the lap and shoulder belt.  I smell the burning smell of anti-freeze.  I recognize it.  I hear my mother in the back seat say, "Oh my God!"  I felt her body smash against my passenger seat.  That's it.  Against the dusk backdrop, there's scraps of metal and glass.  Two injured bodies here.  Two injured bodies there.  Driver has no injuries.  

I've been in a lot of car accidents.  A few my fault when I was a lot younger, but none of my accidents were serious.  One moderately serious one was my friend's fault, as he rear ended someone on the freeway.  A sleeping girl rear ended me once.  Then there were the Z3 accidents, which were all parking lot fender benders, which happened because people couldn't see my tiny car.  Again, those were very minor.  I knew, in the moment where I knew the accident was unavoidable, this one was going to hurt.

My brother was driving my mother and me to a funeral.  We were paying our respects to our dead ex-neighbor.  She was 60 and allegedly died from cancer.  After we were driving back, I was talking to my brother.  It was sunset.  Somehow, I could tell he hasn't been driving through the 10 freeway.  He didn't realize the points of construction work.  We were only 1/4 of a mile away from the family home, when traffic came to a dead stop because of the construction work. Only 1/4 of a mile away.  He didn't swerve soon enough; he didn't brake soon enough.

My mother's sternum probably fractured.  She wasn't wearing a seat belt.  I was wearing one though.  I asked her, "Why didn't you wear a seat belt?"

Get this for her answer: "I would have worn it, if I knew I was going to get into a car accident."

As backwards as her logic is, I wouldn't laugh.  Don't we think like this all the time.  It's really just a coverup to deny the truth.  I believed my younger son is the safest driver in the world.  Had I known different, I would have acted different.  Well, alcoholics would say had I known I'd get liver cancer, I would have stopped that last drink.  Or how about the person who gets mad not because of the evil s/he's done but the fact that s/he got caught.  Doesn't s/he say the same?  I wouldn't have done it if I got caught.  Well - now we see such logic into play.

What I don't get were all the local neighborhood bystanders that came gawking.  I never saw the great fascination of staring at an accident.  But I suppose if you had very little, (I come from Baldwin Park, remember?) other people's suffering brings you some kind of pleasure.

The ambulance came.  The sheriffs came.  My brother managed the situation well.

In my CK suit, I stepped out into the freeway.  I jumped the border closest to the right hand lane.  I was back on a local street.  I walked home in my CK suit, starting to come loose with a half-undone tie and an open dress shirt.  I went home and changed clothes.  I drove the BMW and hopped back onto the freeway.  I steered passed the accident scene and gave my mother a ride home.  Just 1/4 of a mile away.

I told her, "You know, we're going to feel it really bad tomorrow.  It's going to hurt a lot."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Watch."

I immediately prepared to heal myself.  I took the elements of the Dead Sea and drew a bath.  I added to it sulfur, salt, and oatmeal.  I need all of these minerals to heal.  I took a bath and saw quickly that my skin was getting bloated by absorbing in all the minerals.  My abdominal, once tight and muscular, looked bloated.  I then felt my body feel very, very tired.  It wanted sleep.

And I was right, the next day was painful for both my mother and me.  She was coughing and complaining of chest pains.  I could feel that I was bleeding inside and bruised and broken.  Later in the day, I could feel the fever coming.  My body was beginning to heal.

On Sunday though, the day after, was my brother's wedding.  I didn't want to go.  We both felt even worse.  The fever escalated.  My stomach was cramping painfully.  My mother came and touched my skin and said, "You're hot."  I grumbled, "I know."  It was expected; I was healing but very tired.  I didn't want to go to this wedding.  But I went, and even there, the guests could see the fever brewing.  I was not in the mood to socialize or say hi.  How could I?  Your mind just concentrates on the cramping, the faintness, and the dizziness. 

But the guests, especially the father's relatives, wanted to say to the recent law graduate in his Hugo Boss suit.  I smiled.  I tried.  But it was still too much.  All the guests were so happy and excited, except for two: the groom's closest blood relatives: mother and brother.

My cat Luke taught me much about the body.  Whenever he didn't feel well, he would bask in the sunlight.  I saw him do it all the time, whenever he had a cold.  So - do what Luke did. 

So, without telling the guests, who would keep mothering me, I went to the pool area.  I stripped to my underwear.  Don't worry, it wasn't a disgusting sight for the guests.  It's probably appropriate with other people wearing bikinis and such.  I kept watching the dirty girls ogle.  I laid in the warm hot sun by the pool and 20 minutes into it, the cramps were alleviating and I was feeling better.  I was probably basking in the warm sun for 2 hours.  I took a quick shower and suited up.

All the guests noticed I was feeling better.  The MC called for me.  It was time to catch the groom's garter.  It's said a single guy who catches it will get married first.  I saw all my brother's competitive friends viciously want it.  My brother took the garter off easily with his teeth from his wife's thigh.  He turned around.  He threw a fake napkin.  On the second round, he threw the garter behind him.

I caught it.

Post Bar Plans

I feel like this summer has been more than a boys of summer adventure.

I started law school in August of 2009.  It's now August of 2012.  With the exception of receiving my bar exam score and being sworn in, I think I've finished the grueling rites of passage from page to esquire.

This summer, I crammed everyday for that bar exam; I lost 9 pounds of fat, (I probably have three pounds to go), I made a few scientific discoveries, and I realized my cat died from FIV.  I owned that cat for fourteen years, since I was 15 3/4, and I would have never guessed he died from FIV.

So - I think I've been through a lot.  For all my followers that have followed my journey from New Zealand to America, I guess this sort of closes off this part of the journey.  I mean, of course, if I pass the bar, there's still the part about receiving the results and the part that I get sworn in.  But the reason those rites don't matter as much to me is that they don't take effort and work on my part.  If you do everything right, the last grueling hurdle in becoming an esquire shouldn't be too bad.  The main challenges are in the first year of law school, and the next two years of law school.  The bar exam is like the ultimate final. 

I suppose, the legal journey can continue, as there are more challenges to making it as partner.  But that's another journey for another time, if I chose to take it on.

For those in New Zealand, let me describe the Bar examination.  As you know, it is the licensing exam to practice law in one of the States of the Union.  I took the California Bar, which means I can practice law in California, and if my score is high enough in Washington DC.  California has no reciprocity agreement with any other state; therefore, a California Bar License only allows you to practice in the State of California.  It's also the hardest of bar exams - with the highest fail rate of 55%.

It's also the most grueling of the bar examinations.  The California Bar exam is three days long.  I took mine in Pasadena, which is located very close to my childhood hometown.  I drove there the first day from my mother's place in the San Gabriel Valley.  For the next two days, I stayed at a 2 star motel about 2.7 miles away.  It cost $70 a night.  Even though my childhood home is only 14 miles away, it's definitely worth getting a motel to avoid the morning traffic.  Let me tell you, although I didn't believe people at the time, it is really worth staying at a motel.  You need your peace in the morning to have your mental balance to take on the bar exam.  Driving through traffic is not worth it.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't find the exam questions themselves as challenging as the horror stories I heard.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a hard exam.  But it shouldn't be that hard if you put in all the study you needed to in your three years in law school.  Furthermore, I didn't slack off while I was studying for it as well.  So - again, hard work pays off.

I'll tell you what I hated, yes hated, about the bar.  It's the way that they implement Soviet-Communist-Nazi tactics during the exam.  They herd a horde of you into a huge high school cafeteria - gymnasium setting.  They make you sit in these worn out old tables, that look like they're from the USSR time.  They take away your government issued identification and give you a number.  I hated it.  I'm a human being; why are they treating me like a number, just one of the masses?  I was a number 21**.  I just looked at my number sadly, and thought, I'm more than this number.

Then, they tell you where to sit, when to eat, when you can go pee.  It's all so insane, this type of ritual.  The bar exam is hard enough without all these added restrictions.

The two most painful things about the bar exam, everyone who's taking it pay attention, are two tricks that they play on you.  The first one is when the time begins, I noticed they blast up the air conditioner.  They also don't allow you to wear hats.  The head loses the most body heat first.  So, the result is that you lose a lot of body heat, which makes you struggle to pay attention on the test.  So - when you take the exam, make sure to bring a jacket.

The second thing they do, that I couldn't believe, is on day three, they change the start time of the examination.  This is to throw off your body clock and you probably have the most anxiety after day 2 of the examination.  So, it's harder for you to sleep.  Make sure to sleep earlier on day 2 to not fall into this trap.

Other than that, after I finished the exam on day 3, I went to my adviser's home.  He graciously treated me to dinner.  I love the ice cream the place served.  It certainly gave me ideas on how to serve ice cream for the future.  I didn't feel excitement, maybe some relief.  It was over, and I didn't have that much stress about it.

What am I doing now?  I'm just trying to re-sort through my life.  I'm trying to re-manage my budget.  I need to re-edit papers accepted for publication.  I have to lose 3 pounds of body fat - and then regain some muscle.  I need to do some maintenance on my cars.  I have two - Alexandria the BMW Z3 and Julia the 1967 Mustang.

I don't have the money, but it's time to be thinking about a new car.  I like cats; so I think a jaguar would be fitting.  This is the next car I must get:  It's a 1970's E type.  =)  Yes, another convertible.

I don't know how I'm going to afford it though.  I've turned down two legal opportunities so far.  I'm not sure if the slavish hours of law is in my future.  I think for now, I'd like to be a chef and - or - a novelist.  I already have a thriller in mind.  I think it's a spy thriller.  Maybe - that'll bring me my fortunes.

Anyways, this part of my journey is finished.  Now - it's time to plan my bar trip.


 

My Cat Died of FIV =(

I can't believe it.  My cat just suddenly died of FIV.  He was diagnosed with it two years ago and had a high white blood cell count.  Then - all of a sudden it went down so fast this year. 

I've been doing a lot of research on FIV and it all said a cat could live healthy with FIV for 6 or 9 years.  How did this happen that he died so quickly? 

Oh, I tried to do everything I could for you.  I did as much research as I could, but as you know, I'm a lawyer not a doctor or veterinarian.  I guess, I couldn't cut it, in figuring it all out.  I don't understand this at all.  You suffered so much because you had cancer and FIV.  I can't imagine how much suffering you had.

In any event, I found out you died at 6:25am.  I have to just let go now.  You know, the worst part about all this is that a doctor that I cannot name told me that the cure to HIV would be in cats and that the solution would be salty water.  I guess that doctor was wrong because you died.  I hope I get to see you in the afterlife.

Meeting Objectives and Stress

I'm meeting my objectives.  I am 22% complete regarding my weight loss goal and 28% towards completion of my bar goal.

First, my weight loss goal has been within the scope of what I projected.  I ran 62 miles and lost 2 pounds of body fat in 14 days.  Life's not fair that I have to exercise so hard to lose so little, but that is life.  In my last post, I go into the basics of my weight loss approach.  Let me talk to you about plateau.

Many, as well as I, struggled with plateau.  It's when dieting and exercising isn't working for you anymore.  Your body has stubbornly stopped losing weight.  Here's why.  It's mainly because of the exercise portion of restricting calories not the dieting part.

When you lose weight, it gets harder because you burn less calories per day.  Yes, although you're more efficient in whatever exercise you were doing, you also weight less.  Hence, you are carrying less on you.  Hence you are exerting less energy.  For instance, if you lose five pounds, and you run five miles, you now need to carry five pounds on your body to burn the same amount of calories.

So - when you lose more weight you need to step up the diet or the work out or both at a certain point where your calories in becomes the same energy as calories out. That's where I'm at and so excessive running appears to be the only way.  Anyways - it is working.

Regarding studying for the bar, I feel  very stressed.  My virtual bar adviser told all of us we need 8 hours of sleep everyday.  Like, I didn't know that, but thank you for the advice.  Further, they got peeved at me because I kept asking questions on real property, namely on some obscure ancient concept that is called rule against perpetuities.  My bar provider test you on a lot of multiple choice questions on this complex subject, but when I asked for an answer they said, "Don't worry about it."  =( I felt like strangling someone and asking why I keep getting tested on it.

It's good to take a one day break.  Just one day out of the whole week.  I pickled salmon.  Yup.  Like pickling cucumber pickles.  I brined the salmon and egg overnight.  Afterwards, I made a spice mix and dumped it into white wine vinegar and sugar. 

My mother smiled as she said, my older sister used to pickle things like you're doing.  I said fish is commonly pickled in Germany and Scandinavia. 

For breakfast, she fried for me tempura zucchini flowers fresh from her garden. MMMM...  I then made myself a mimosa out of champagne, pineapple and strawberry juice.

For lunch, I bought dried ice and used the blender to make myself whiskey ice cream.  MMMMM. 
I felt the stress leaving. 

Losing Weight

I made a goal during this stressful time of studying for that bar and that is to halve my body fat.

After I came back to America from New Zealand, my body fat ballooned in 3 months of living in California.  I looked at my medical file recently and realized I went from 19% body fat, which is average to 25% in three months, while living in the USA.  Also, when I went to 25%, my mommy let me know I was getting fat.  Not pleasant at all.

Over time, without trying too hard, I went back to down 145lbs (22% body fat) and just hovered there for awhile.  I tried to lose weight, but my weight wouldn't budge  I almost stayed within the 140's range, no matter how much I worked out.  This was generally true in NZ too.

Then in my spring semester of 2L year (last year), during finals week, I dedicated two months to losing weight.  I took a very "scientific approach" to it.  I became neurotic about trying to understand the biochemical pathways and physiology of how the body loses weight.  It brought me back to my life science days as a biology major as an undergraduate.

I tried everything previously without much success, ranging from diets to working out.  I never yo yoed because I never lost weight.   In my scientific approach, I had a theory: everything is measurable.  I should be able to project how much weight I'd lose with numbers, and test if my projections were accurate.  Overall - the theory, approach, and results were sound.

Here's how I started.  One of my problems with dieting and losing weight was how much bogus nonsense was out there.  Everyone who's fit seems to know something about dieting, and so, they state half-truths that are not backed by research.  People believe them because they are fit, but that's not a good measure of arriving at the truth or truths. 

One of the fitness tales I bought into was I heard that the average man burns 2000 calories a day.  I also heard that for every pound of muscle you have you burn 50 calories more a day.  The latter statement came from the First Edition of Abs Diet by the Men's Health Chief Editor!  Let me tell you; he was wrong!

At some point before I decided to put my theory into practice, for three months I kept a food log.  In this food log, I recorded everything I ate and it's corresponding calories.  Over the three months, I didn't gain a pound.  I averaged the calories I ate per day and discovered my basal metabolic rate was about 1450 calories a day.  This link appears to be the most accurate one I found on the web.  It came close at saying I burned 1500 calories a day.  http://exercise.about.com/library/blbmrcalculator.htm

So - that's one false assumption that probably hindered my weight loss.  I did not burn 2000 calories a day; I burned much less.  Further - muscle hardly increased my basal metabolic rate.  In fact, I found out that one study found every pound of muscle only added 6 more calories burned a day, while fat burned 2 calories a day.  Yes, there was an increase but a very small one that didn't justify more eating.

Now that I accurately knew how much I burned a day, I found out that one pound of fat is equivalent to 3,500 calories.  That means that I had to create a deficit of 3,500 calories.  I found I could do this in three ways: 1) restrict how much I ate (the diet), 2) increase the calories I burned (exercise), or 3) combine the two former methods.

To test my theory, I did the first one first.  I restricted how much I ate everyday by 500 calories for a week.  In theory, if I did this I would lose one pound a week because -500 cal./day x 7 days = 3,500 cal = 1 pound.

Did this work?  For the most part.  I say for the most part because it took about 10 days to see the effects.  Not sure why it took longer, but in general I found even with my approach - weight loss was, is, or will not be linear.

The 500 calorie deficit was also very taxing on my mind and body.  I felt like I was and literally was starving, and the hunger pains were so severe I would wake up in the middle of the night because of them.  I knew that if this is what it took for one pound of fat, I wasn't going to survive to lose 9 more pounds.  I would give into my body's rage and pain.  I couldn't imagine 9 more weeks of this.  Apparently, hunger is the number one reason that people fail in their diet.

So - I picked the next alternative: increase the calories burned.  I did more calculations and decided I was going to do enough aerobic exercise to be the equivalent of 3,500 calories per week.  Boy, was I shocked to find that this would be for me the equivalent of 35 miles (56 km) a week.  But that's what I decided to do I would run 14 miles twice a week and 7 miles once a week.  That's three runs a week.

Again, like my experience with just restricting calories, the fat melted away but not in the projected 7 days.  Some weeks, I would lose 0 pounds and the week after I would just drop two.  But on average over the 9 weeks, my projections were on target.

It was easier to create the deficit by exercise because I would run at night.  When I came home, I'd take an ice bath to induce further calorie burning.  I would be so tired I would just sleep the hunger away.  When I woke up, somehow, I wasn't feeling that excruciating hunger pains like dieting.  For me - at least - I think my body knew the difference between using fat as fuel for exercise versus using fat because it thought I was starving.  The earlier was not as painful as the latter - though there were points I would have sharp hunger pains when I ran as well.

Unfortunately, after hitting weight training again, I have to admit I lost some muscle mass too.  There was no way around it because when you're body burns high volumes of fat, it takes some of your lean muscle away too.

Losing weight has two challenges.  I just covered the first one, actually losing weight.  The second problem is maintaining your new weight.  A good analogy I use is that losing weight is like war time (a war with your body) and the second phase is peace time (governance after conquering).  From my observations, peace time is harder.  How many people do you know that gain their weight back after losing it?  This is dangerous because once you do, you've increased the ratio of fat to lean muscle mass because remember, lean muscle mass was lost during war time.  I like my approach to maintenance because I know how many calories I burn a day, and I just need to eat that amount or just a little less.

One year after that life-defining ordeal, I really managed to keep off the weight, hovering around 133-14 lbs.  I did it by eating my 1450 calories a week.  If I ate more, I would adjust by running more.  Sadly, people made fun of me for eating like a bird or pecking away at my food.  It was sad because it was them who were eating gigantic portions and me the exact amount I needed. 

Now that I'm studying for the bar, I am under extraordinary stress.  Studying each exception and exception to the exception of the rule of law just puts your mind and body under pressure.  I decided to recreate the military like training I instituted for myself last year. Lot of former bar testers have told me: exercise a lot.  I admit, it does help clear your mind quite a bit.

I've made it a personal goal to halve my body fat.  I am at 12-13.5% body fat now.  In other words, I have 16-18 pounds of body fat on me.  I'll take the more conservative estimate of 18 pounds.  Half of that is 9lbs, which means that's how much I need to lose.

On my current running regime, which again took some time for my body to kick in, I've been losing the approximate one pound per week.  Yes, I still have sharp hunger pains while I run.  I've lost one pound, so that means I need 8 more to lose, which is roughly about 8 more weeks.

That's too long.  Weight loss can't happen too slowly or you'll give up on your regime, and it's impossible for it to be too fast either.  (The Four-hour-body is just crock, it takes a lot of energy to even breakdown fat; therefore, it takes a long time to lose fat.)

I'll make a few modifications from my last regime.  I think I can speed it up by one more pound a week by going on a healthy vegetable protein diet and limiting my carbohydrates.  We'll see: it's another experiment on my body.  On the off days, I'll do strength training to maintain my muscle mass.  So - hopefully it'll be successful.

And my new curiosity is determining how to minimize those sharp hunger pains.  I'm not sure; I have to do more research.

I'll post more details on the mechanism of fat burning that I've discovered.  I'll post you on my wins and losses as well.

I'm out,
PC

Graduation and Study for the Bar

I graduated.  It was stressful to manage the family politics, but in this event, everyone came together and didn't cause WW III or another Cold War.  Keep in mind, my guests were from North Korea, Japan, Russia, Denmark, the USA, and Taiwan and South Korea.  No Germans that represented.  :(

The combination could've made for a difficult political situation, but in this case people behaved, especially my family.  That was certainly a relief.

Graduation for me was just eh and blah, except for the fact that I have very caring and loving people in my life that came to celebrate it with me.  It was more for them than it was for me.  The funniest part of it all was that people had brought in alcohol inside the room where we prepared for graduation ceremony.  It was early in the afternoon, and I thought to myself, why didn't I think of that.  Why is there a hint of negativity in all of it?

Well, because graduation marks an end, right?  Well, not for 95%+ of law graduates of 2012 across the country and me.  After just one week of rest, we have to start studying for the BAR - which is perhaps the final of all finals.

I only had one week off between my last year of school and the bar. and then the studying started.  It's the final of all finals, as it spans 3 days, and covers 12 subjects of law, which if one took each of those subjects consecutively as classes, it would take two years to complete.  The BAR is divided into 3 parts: the multiple choice (one full day), 6 essays and a performance examination (2 days).

Studying goes something like this.  8-10 hours a day, everyday for 6 weeks.  Half a day on Saturdays.  Then in the last month, 12 hours everyday (no more breaks.)  =(  As the Koreans say, "Starting is half the battle."  I definitely was not enjoying the self-discipline to re-start classes I had to refresh from three years ago.  I kept reminding myself , why didn't you use your week to take a holiday in Cancun?  No point in crying over spilled milk.  I didn't have the miles to afford to travel this time, and I decided to spend my free time with my family and friends just hanging out.

So - do I have any wisdom or magical advice about going through a marathon like this?  It's nothing you don't already know.  I'll state my principles nonetheless.  Work hard, stay focused, and success comes in the day-to-day small activities.  Do them well.  And during times that require endurance, remember: happiness is surely overrated.

My Life In Review

The last few days have closed certain chapters in my life.  I know - that sounds dramatic, but it's true.  For instance, I finished my last school examination of my life.  That's it!  No more.  And heck yeah!  That's about 8-9 years of post high school, and I think I estimated I've taken over 100 school exams if not more during that period.  I do not, ever, repeat: ever, need another school exam in my life.  If this all sounds melodramatic, it's not - at least not if you've been through a good law school.  I've had 15 written exams and 3 clinical exams in my law school tenure.  Each exam is anywhere from 3-6 hours.  Even though I have to revise a 20-25 page paper, I can tell you it really felt like a burden lifted off of my chest and shoulders.  I might go back to school but not for a certificate or degree.  If anything, I'd like to get some of my foreign language skills more proficient.

Another chapter is next month I'll have to say good bye to my 20's.  I'm going to be hitting the age of 30 soon.  With that, brings some harsh realities.  Here's one: people are dying around me.  And since the baby boomers are a bigger population than my Y generation, my generation will see more people die than I think our subsequent generation.  Isn't that a morbid thought?  You're probably wondering why I bring this up.

Well - my neighbor, who I've known since I was two years old passed away.  Before you feel sad for me or him, we weren't that close.  So - no sympathy really needed - although I suppose a human being dying is a sad thing.  It was surreal though.  I got a call from my mother while I was studying for that final final, and she said, "I have sad news."  My heart dropped.  I thought it was my 15-year-old cat Luke who had passed away.  He does have skin cancer.  She just said, "The neighbor passed away.  I can't believe it.  I talked to him the moment before he died.  He was mowing the lawn, and I said, 'Hi.'  Then he had a heart attack and died.'"

I'm writing about this because I made some observations about that neighbor.  In general, he was a nice guy.  I didn't know that much about him.  I went inside his house once because his daughter, who was a classmate, invited me over once.  Other than that, I noticed that in his last year of life he entered into retirement.

He was 65 when he died.  I can say I genuinely saw him enjoy life.  He was the happiest I ever saw him in retirement.  He bought a Mercedes convertible and drove it with the top down.  He was gardening more - evidenced by the fact he mowed the lawn before he died.  He also spent a lot more time with his grandchildren; he was practically raising them.  And then, he croaked.

I thought to myself, isn't that cruelly ironic that he worked a job he didn't particularly love for 30 years only to retire, fantastically enjoy one year of life, and then die.  I remember having dinner with my father once and telling him I wanted to retire at 30.  At the time, I must have been 25, and it looks like that future I envisioned ain't happening.  But he said, "That's way too early to retire!"

I replied back, "So you want me to retire when my body is old and useless.  I won't be able to be as healthy.  I'll be unattractive.  What will I do with my time then?  I can't even travel."

He said, "You have a good point."

That is exactly the point I'm making about the neighbor.  He retired when he was not in good health - and for what - to enjoy one year of it and croak.  The whole concept of retirement got to me - and bothered me.  It made me put my life back into perspective.

In contrast, I have a 15 year old cat, Luke, who is fighting skin cancer.  I think he's doing a mighty fantastic job of fighting the good fight.  Maybe because even though he's an animal, I think he knows he has a purpose.  His age in human years probably translates to about 65-70 as well.  If he spoke English, I'm also certain, he'd say he's had 15 happy years if he died today.  I know, our family fostered that happiness for him.  Of course he never had to work or worry about life's stresses, but still, it has to be quite an accomplishment to say that he lived a life of being loved and reciprocating it for 15 years.  He still has more years to go; I'm sure.

That takes me back to my life in review.  I'm back in a transitional period.  I'm graduating law school soon.  And in some odd way, I feel like it's deja vu.  This is the third time I've been in this place.  The first time was the moment before I left America to go to New Zealand.  I  wondered then, what am I going to do with my life?  The second time was when I left New Zealand.  I asked what am I going to with my life.  Now, I'm at the same mental state with graduating law school.  What am I going to do with my life?

Now - if you've ever been caught in these cycles or circles, like I have, it's good to remind yourself you're not trapped in some infinite loop.  It's more like a spiral with added depth and dimension.  I never had all the answers to make the decision to this question, but I feel like I've picked up more pieces of the puzzle every time I'm confronted with this question.

Only this time, I look at what happened with my neighbor and what's happened with Luke.  I then tell myself, remember, you only live once.  That's a good starting place.  You live bound by time, and you live life one moment at a time.  Time moves the same for you as it does for everyone.  What will you do with it?  And for God sake, whatever you do as a living, make sure you enjoy it.  Don't put in thirty miserable years defining yourself by what you make and take, but put those years into defining yourself by what you create and give.

Those principles don't leave me with any concrete future plans, though I think I have some sketched out path ahead.  If you have any advice, I'm open to it.  Until then, I have one last paper to revise.  Overall, I'm happy that I'm reframing my life back into perspective.  It's really shown me that a lot of the petty things we care about, such as status, accolades, keeping up with Jones', and taking everything so damn seriously is seriously not worth a damn.